We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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