____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
