god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
false alarm. still invincible.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
