I can tuck mytits in my pants
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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