Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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