I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
