i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
