i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
