Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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