He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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