We won't sleep together?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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