so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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