someone owes me an orgasm
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
