I'm gonna have a badass scar
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
now i know why i became what i already was.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
