I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
