no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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