I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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