I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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