I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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