im drinking this country out of the recession.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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