Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
