Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
