i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
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the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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