The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
