just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
