Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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