Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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