Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
