Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
