She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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