Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
