Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
