I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
