idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
