i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
