I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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