i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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