you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my poor anus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
