ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drake has all the answers
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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