I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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