I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
