You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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