I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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