Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize