i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
