beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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