i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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