Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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