you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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