Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
