Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
