Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
