i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
