Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
