What a fucking waste of an outfit
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Damn victory sex feels great
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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