So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
