then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
