Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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