his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
