thus making me awesome and them whores
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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