So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
