Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
