I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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