cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
