do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
