...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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