Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
