Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
