I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
