I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
