I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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