if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
