i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
