eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
