i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
