Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
